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Halfway House

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sweet [18 Nov 2010|03:10am]

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New virus from infected tobacco [03 Sep 2009|01:10pm]

I just found out about this really scary virus. I know a lot of people on here probably smoke, so I thought I would share this with you guys.

Sanford is my number one fear right now!
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new community! unconditional support and acceptance... [13 Jul 2005|04:10am]
...specializing in bulima. i'm a veteran/recovering bulimic, i'm very open and very human. i've created a new community in the hope that people can find absolutely unconditional support and acceptance, an environment where it's safe to ask the hardest questions and get a more candid answer than you'd ever expect your highschool sex-ed teacher to give you! : ) this community is for people in the disease of ANY STAGE, whether you're in denial, you know you're sick but you're not ready to give up your disorder, you'd just like to talk about the affect it has on you, you're afraid and feeling out of control or that the disease has become mixed up with your identity or sense of stability, or you're in the recovery stage and you're actively fighting. anorexics and EDNOS more than welcome, bulimia just happens to be my own demon and i know it far more intimately than i'd like to...

come check it out. it's brand new but a few great people have stopped by. if you'd like a new stage for your voice, here it is...

thanks for reading. best wishes and take care...

xoxox rude_waif

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Hmm... [14 Mar 2005|10:44am]

[ mood | sad ]

Hi. I'm Jenna.
This is officially the first time I've ever talked seriously about my weight. Ever. And some of you are gonna think I'm weird, because my aim has never been to be thin. I don't want to be thin. I want to be a healthy weight so I can stop being achy and sick all the time.

Last year (my freshman year in college), I had a huge problem with my weight. Not a "I'm fat!" sort of thing, it was more like I was losing tons of weight and had no idea why. I was eating normally, exercising the same amount I always had... I mean, nothing had changed. I was just losing weight for no reason. I'm 5'8". In September 2003 I weighed around 145 pounds. By February 2004, I was down to around 115-120 somewhere. I had some of the more obvious physical symptoms of anorexia (amenorrhea, fuzzy hair growing on my body to keep it warm, etc.), but I was not anorexic. In February I went on Depo-Provera (birth control), and that helped with the weight. I'm now back up to 130, most of the time. The fuzzies are gone. I don't have my period back yet, but that could be a result of the Depo. But what bothers me is, I can see my ribs. All of them. My ribs, clavicles, spine, shoulder blades... All are clearly defined. They drive me nuts. I mean, I'm back to a point where I only weigh 15 pounds less than I originally did... And none of the bones stuck out back then. Can 15 pounds make such a difference? Is there a way, other than consuming large amounts of fatty food, to make them STOP showing so much? I feel like a walking bare skeleton.

:( What do I do?

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[10 Nov 2004|12:41pm]

Hey girls. I have just created a new community for people with any eating disorder. You can do whatever you want there. Post thinspiration, share tips, whatever...please join. I want it to be a safe place for us all to go.

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[03 Sep 2004|03:54pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

It's always difficult when the depression owns you, and not the other way around.

It's spectacularly difficult when all the people around you are falling to pieces and you just can't help.

I thought I was ready for thehalfwayhouse. I thought I was ready to leave everything, and start to make changes.
But it's all I can do to get out of bed before midday.

I want to go back to drinking black coffee and surviving on nicotine.
My mind is a swirling vortex of thoughts like these.


1 comment|post comment

[21 Jul 2004|04:27pm]

Happy times, a year ago.

We can all be happy.

Question: Does your sickness make you happy? Think about it. It's okay to say yes, as well as no.
Mine did for a long time. Now I look to new pastures, and I'm thinking about that smile on my face, and I'm trying to get it back.

It is possible for everyone to be happy.
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:-: [20 Jul 2004|01:08pm]

I have to leave the community. (Sorry guys)

It's not helping me get any better and I think people may be reading that shouldn't.

<3 you guys and hope for the best.

1 comment|post comment

[13 Jul 2004|07:54pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

Sooo, things got messed up. I convinced my mom to call the Eating Disorder therapist for me, and stood by and watched. They called back later on. My mom gave me a look. Too expensive.

(sigh) It made me realize the lack of things I told her. They asked tons of questions about if I cry, or harm myself or others.... She's like, "No, no, no, no..."

Oops, because I cut myself again yesterday. Nothing major (I'm a baby). Just a little 'A' on my left forearm. About a centameter high. My problem is, I cut where people can see, so I have to be descreet. Cutting in areas where clothes cover doesn't appeal to me.

Cutting isn't my problem. It's the hitting. I'm afraid of brain damage from the slamming my head into my fists and hoping no one notices the bruises on my thighs.

Sooo.. My mom says she's going to look into getting me help. And if it doesn't work out, we'll go to the people who want our souls for ransom.

Stuff is getting worse, because I'm afraid to get help. Or maybe I'm thinking, "Hm, I'm really not that bad. I'll be wasting these people's time if I don't get worse. Then they'll actually have something to work with..."

I'm working on it. Slowly getting worse, but keeping my head up. Hoping for the best.


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all the best plans... [12 Jul 2004|09:59pm]

ahhh haha!
Last night after a 'friend' told me he didn't respeect me or value my opinion i started to work on my first cutting spree in months...normally it goes uniformly...straight lines in rows...nice and neat, on fresh skin...this time it didn't...so now, after breaking that hiatus, i have the decision whether to carry on for cutting's sake, or try to leave it behind me. I have my bottle of vodka and my desparate music, so i think i'll leave it for the night to decide.
2 comments|post comment

[11 Jul 2004|10:03pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

let me know if i'm not allowed to do this.

please join glamslam___


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been thinking!! [10 Jul 2004|11:04am]

[ mood | crappy ]

iv'e been thinking.
I can't [well can if i try ] help beng depressed...its the disease i have.

people say if i go to therapyit might get better,but personally it makes me feel worse.
i know i haven't been on here long but i think i might have to leave as i think i sound pretty pathetic writing things as it seems like i want attention.

and i dont.

i want me to myself...i dont want to be these annoying girls who role up their sleeves and show off their "chicken scartches" [im not anyway],i dnt want to be someone whos seen as a pthetic attention seeker...this is my problem and i need to deal with it.

feel free to delete my other post as i was crying over split coffee.


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[10 Jul 2004|01:14am]

[ mood | complacent ]

Sooooo, I freaked out again. Cried for two hours straight at my boyfriend (maybe longer) and complained about life. He eventually said, "Kristy, if you don't call that help line, don't bother ever calling me again."


So I had to. I picked up the phone, I called. Not much help. Just more numbers for people who specialize in eating disorders. I needed to know insurance info, so I had to 'fess to my mom that I called. So now she wants to 'have a talk'.

I'm so torn. I don't want to leave Ana. I feel like I'm losing a good friend. But at the same time, I don't want to lose my sweetie. And I don't think I can take much more of my mom's suspicious looks.

Hm, getting better. Should I pursue the numbers, or give up? (Giving up means he leaves me, and then it's easier to hide my eating habits, because hiding from my family is easy.) Am I willing to lose him? Am I willing to lose her?

I feel lost.



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fukcing help me! [09 Jul 2004|07:25pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

ok so iv been labled a slag cause of a druken incident with my mates guy [theyre back together now and she still likes me] everyone else took sides and hates me...thats not really why im so down.

this eating thing is getting worse and i thought id be able to control it,but i cant!!

the most depressing thing that had kept crying since last nigth is this.

i had a little bag in my room full of stuff i never wanted my parents to see,e.g pill packets,tissues soaked in blood etc.
so i thought id go for a walk and throw it away.

i fucking put my penknife and two sharpest razors in there for safe keeping...and i only realised that night id thrown in some random bin somewhere

im sorry if i sound pathetic but its made my heart sink and i know i hadnt used them but i need them as a kind on safety blanket...just to know they're there...i dont know what to do!!

=( absinthexxx

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Um. [09 Jul 2004|11:52am]
[ mood | worried ]

Emotionally, I've put myself into a box. Nothing can touch me, right? Er, that'll be wrong, then.
Even now... I'm so tightly wrapped up that I can't break down. I just can't. I can't do it anymore.

Okay... let's do it in catagories... I so didn't spell that right...

Food...Collapse )

Coping methods...Collapse )

Fell in love with a girl...Collapse )

Any advice, anyone?

x-posted to my own eljay

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New [08 Jul 2004|06:08pm]

[ mood | cold ]

Hi i'm Emma and i'm new!
It's so good to finally find a positive site.

I don't really know what i am...ummm I have had depression for about 3 years,but i was once diagnosed with mild schizophrenia...[i think they got it wrong ??]
I haven't self harmed for about 3 weeks now...which is good.
i have attempted suicide a few time...i know attempted is pathetic.
i been to therapists and a lot of nurses,but i tend to put on a "yeah im fine" act to get away from it cause i dont want all the attention.

I'm not anorexic,i don't tend to eat and i do binge and purge quite often.
Most of the reason is because i strongly dislike myself

i know people say that going on these communitys or talking about yr problems is "attention seeking",but its not...i see it as one step closer to recovery!

umm i might be saying to much...i dont know!

just so you know im 5"6...ummm i dont know my weight,im too scared to weigh myself.
i go to the gym...i need to go more often though as i dont go enough and i want to start ballet again.

I'm happy to listen and try and help others with problems.

much love...absinthexxxx

3 comments|post comment

'lo [08 Jul 2004|12:05pm]

Hi, I'm Kristy. I'm not sure how often I'll post, since I've decided to take a hiatis from the internet. I think frequenting Pro-Ana sites is only hurting my recovery.

I was never really all that bad, my lowest weight is right now (about 125) and I'm 5'9. I started dieting when I was 13 and weighed 180. I got down to 160, but then back up to 190. After all of that, I got mild anorexia for about a year and fell to 140, but then didn't move from there. I became a vegetarian/health food nut. My family still thinks I'm Ana, and I probably am to some degree, but I'm fighting.

Through all of this, I got a sort of depression. Whenever I'm with my boyfriend, all I do is cry and complain. I get frustrated and yell at my family. They all reminisce when 'Kristy used to be the happy bubbly one. What happened?'

My guess is that I just got a sense of the way the world really is, and I just can't shake it. Part of me doesn't even believe happiness exists anymore. I've been trying to sabatoge my relationship and get my boyfriend to break up with me. Then I'd have a reason to be depressed and I could cry withouth questions. I wouldn't have to admit it was about food.

I cut myself once, but couldn't stand the torture of being the only one who knew, and spilled to my boyfriend. He got scared and told me not to do it anymore. I haven't, but trust me, the temptation has been there.

Anyway, I'm just hoping to one day shake this off and be the person I once was. I hope this community helps.

xo Kristy xo
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hi [07 Jul 2004|08:56pm]

[ mood | apathetic ]

I dont even know what to say but hi and i hope we can all help each other out.
my whole ish is anorexia.... margh i hate it. and being a perfectionist, which i am trying to break, but then i try so hard to break my perfectionist obsession that i become a perfectionist at that! =Þ i cut myself once and my fiancee threw the biggest fit, so i can't do that again.... and btw i love the icons so far, so sexy sexy. =) well hope everyone is doing ok. ah should i post my stats? i dunno whatever.

ht: 5'5"
cw: 111
lw: 105
hw: 125
stg: 108
ltg: 102

3 comments|post comment

[07 Jul 2004|05:11pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

hiiiii.. err I'm Rachel. I used to post on Ana_Bella before a teacher, a big asshole one at that, caught me and err.. got pretty much the whole school involed. It pissed me off. My parents didn't really believe I had a problem, so I made the choice of self recovery rather than going back to Anorexia/Bulimia. I'm 13, no this isn't just some trendy thing I do because isn't having an eating disorder cool? Yeah.. whatever. Figure skating is my passion (I've been skating since I was five, so eight years), and I guess it may have added to the list of "causes" of my illness; but I'm not trying to pinpoint my problems on one thing.

When I was discovered it was around late March. I haven't been entirely clean, but I had no one to help me (though my friends offered.. they err forgot I guess..), and I guess purging about five times and restricting myself to under 1000 calories on several days, is pretty damn good for self recovery.

..Though, four months later, I'm reconsidering what I had worked so hard on to achieve. I'm 5'4 and 112 pounds now. My lowest weight (not very low) was 98 pounds and my highest was 123. Not a huge range of difference. Having a lot of muscle might contribute to most of my weight, but it's depressing to know that my pants that are size 0 fit me snug, when only a short while ago they were hanging off of me. I don't know what I want, and that is why I decided to join this community. Undecided.

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[07 Jul 2004|05:25pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Well, since I am first to post (aside from the mod-btw, awesome idea concept for this community. It's really a good idea) I thought I'd say something about myself and my "problems"

I have an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia), I used to be a cutter, but made a promise to my best friend (whom I am in love with) that I wouldnt do it again.. I broke the promise once since, and I felt horrible because his trust means more to me than anything.. I suffer from depression.. Ah, I sound like such a mess up, but when you get to know me, I'm really not all that bad.. Anyone can add me if they want to make friends or whatever. I could give you my sn, but this journal is unknown to all my friends.. so I'd have to add you to my friendslist on this journal and then give it out.. sneaky sneaky.

well, stay strong in ALL that you are having problems with.. I'm here to talk.


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