I was never really all that bad, my lowest weight is right now (about 125) and I'm 5'9. I started dieting when I was 13 and weighed 180. I got down to 160, but then back up to 190. After all of that, I got mild anorexia for about a year and fell to 140, but then didn't move from there. I became a vegetarian/health food nut. My family still thinks I'm Ana, and I probably am to some degree, but I'm fighting.
Through all of this, I got a sort of depression. Whenever I'm with my boyfriend, all I do is cry and complain. I get frustrated and yell at my family. They all reminisce when 'Kristy used to be the happy bubbly one. What happened?'
My guess is that I just got a sense of the way the world really is, and I just can't shake it. Part of me doesn't even believe happiness exists anymore. I've been trying to sabatoge my relationship and get my boyfriend to break up with me. Then I'd have a reason to be depressed and I could cry withouth questions. I wouldn't have to admit it was about food.
I cut myself once, but couldn't stand the torture of being the only one who knew, and spilled to my boyfriend. He got scared and told me not to do it anymore. I haven't, but trust me, the temptation has been there.
Anyway, I'm just hoping to one day shake this off and be the person I once was. I hope this community helps.
xo Kristy xo